It's not been closed as off topic, which is at least something. @JeffAtwood is correct, and here's my more detailed take on it, taking apart the question.
I'm stuck with an abysmal desktop keyboard at the moment, an ~8 year old stock Compaq keyboard with silicone dome switches.
We don't care.
I'll mainly be using my laptop in the foreseeable future, which has a nice scissor-switch keyboard, though it lacks the travel I want for pounding out an essay the night before it's due.
We don't care.
When I'm sitting at my desk working, I want a comfortable, responsive keyboard.
We don't care. Also, subjective.
My only concern about mechanical switch keyboards is the noise. Boards based off of the Cherry MX Blue seem to be the loudest, but apparently offer increased tactility.
We're getting somewhere. Feels a bit product recommendation-ish and subjective though.
I don't mind a clicky noise (I would actually prefer a bit of noise), I just don't want anything overpowering.
Very subjective, as it depends on your hearing perception and the environment you work in. Music in the background is probably sufficient to change the threshold. Just let others give you an overview and decide for yourself. "A clicks more loudly than B" will be perfectly fine and give you something to base your choice on.
What are the different types of mechanical switches are out there (being sold in keyboards for a sane price), and what separates one from the other?
Finally the only really useful part of the question! And if this leads to just four products, since there's no real market for expensive keyboards, so be it.
Also, where would I be able to test one out?
At a store. Shopping recommendation, sort of, and clearly too localized.
I don't think we mind clicky keyboard questions in general. But this question specifically is rather poor.
It requires heavy editing. Since there's already this Meta topic, you should be able to get enough attention once you make the question more generally applicable. I'll vote once the question is fixed. With your knowledge about the topic, it shouldn't be too difficult to fix it.
If it will produce only a few concrete suggestions, so be it -- in that case it's obscure hardware niche, the user didn't explicitly ask for it, and it has a certain timelessness. This would certainly be good enough IMO.